Do you live in fear of your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser? If this question grabbed your attention, could you be honest with yourself for a minute and answer another question? Is this really the way you want your life to be going?
Who wants to live in fear of the person they love or used to love? At the same time, the maybe more frightening or painful question is, “How can I leave someone I love or used to love?”
You’re in the place of intense fear due to threats made by your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser. At the very same time, with the same amount of intensity, you’re also feeling the pain with the thought of leaving this person.
These thoughts didn’t just begin today. You’ve most likely wrestled with the opposing thoughts hundreds of time. How will I live without them? I love them so much. How will I survive financially? This is going to devastate the kids. All the what if’s, how’s, when’s, etc. cause so much confusion you want to scream and pull your hair out.
You make a decision to leave and five minutes later you’re reasoning why you have to stay. First, please understand, your reasoning skills have been effected after being in the type relationship you presently find yourself. Your way of reasoning is very common given your type of relationship. However, this way of reasoning is not safe.
If you live in fear of your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser you must think of a plan to escape, get out, leave, or find a safe place. If you are wondering why so many different words are being used to describe the person you love or loved and so many words are being used to describe getting to safety, it is for this reason. When a person is at the point of thinking they are living in fear, they begin to rationalize.
What does rationalize mean? We’re not going to get clinical, professional, and be a white coat here. What rationalize means is that you are telling yourself rational lies. You lie to yourself. Your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser is telling you threats (could be yelling them, whispering them, or giving you “that” look) and you tell yourself, “They don’t mean it. They’re just tired or stressed. They’ll never do it.”
You will try and tell yourself this article isn’t talking to you. You will say, “The article isn’t talking about the person in my life. The article isn’t saying I might actually have to take my body out of this house because of a threat or implied threat.”
You are reading this article, and from the outside looking in, you are now being told the truth. If you, right now, live in fear of your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser, then you must create a plan to get to safety. This plan needs to be put into place not tomorrow, not next week, not after you finish your cup of whatever you might be drinking.
This site does not address domestic violence. This site addresses the emotional abuse that takes place before it grows or progresses into physical violence. This site works with people who are in relationship with emotional abusers before the threats of physical abuse, physical abuse, or domestic violence develop.
You must get help from an agency or site that addresses and deals with domestic violence. Just because you have not been hit yet, does not mean you are not in danger. If the threats have been given, it is only time that stands in the way of it happening. The thoughts of harming you are already in motion if you have been given a threat or a threat has been implied.
Do not tell yourself a rational lie that you will be o.k. for right now. You do not have to leave at this moment, but get a plan in place in the event you have to leave someday. Take care of yourself now. Go online and type the words, “domestic violence help” into one of the search engines.
Briefly explain your situation telling the truth about the threat, your fear, and ask what you should do. These are professionals and people who have been right where you are at this very moment. Many people that work where you will be calling have been in love with someone who threatened and hurt them. They will understand exactly what you are going through. You are not alone.
Do you live in fear of your husband, wife, partner, lover, or emotional abuser? Even if you say, “Yes, sometimes,” then you need to call for help to establish a plan, just in case.
In the beginning of this article, you were asked the question, “Is this really the way you want your life to be going?” You are taking a huge step in establishing a safety plan. This must be done first before you can safely begin to think about changing how things are going in your life.
